Over a decade after being shot in the head on a bus in Pakistan and becoming a global activist for women’s rights in the Middle East, Malala Yousafzai is reintroducing herself — in her own words.
“There is more to my life,” she tells TODAY.com, explaining that her new memoir, “Finding My Way,” explores her “journey through college years, making friends, finding love and learning more about my activism and talking about mental health.”
She says it was “important for people to know the true me" through her book: “It’s not all about the activist perfect version of me. It’s the more real version of me.”
“My story has already been out there in the public eye, and I think it’s a very one-dimensional story that is related to something that happened to me at age 15,” she continues. “I had been defined by the Taliban shooting for such a long time, I wanted to share more about myself.”
In October 2012, Yousafzai was the victim of targeted shooting by members of the Taliban, following years of public activism and national recognition in Pakistan. The shooting drew global attention and further ignited Yousafzai’s activism, leading her to be named among TIME magazine’s “100 Most Influential People in the World” in 2013. The following year, at the age of 17, Yousafzai won the Nobel Peace Prize for her fight for young people’s education rights.
When asked what she finds is the most misunderstood part of her story, Yousafzai says, “that I am actually a funnier person than people think.”
“I actually like to have moments of laughter and joy,” she says. “This is one of the ways in which I cope with the workload and all that I have experienced. I like spreading joy.”
Prior to the shooting that altered the course of her life, Yousafzai says she was “this jolly and fun, entertaining” kid growing up in Pakistan — adding she was even “a bit mischievous” and “liked to get into trouble.”
But once she moved to the United Kingdom to attend Oxford University, “everything changed.”
“I felt that I had to live up to the expectation of being an activist. I received so many awards and titles at such a young age that I thought maybe all of this means I cannot be a normal girl anymore,” Yousafzai explains. “I think I was not true to myself as an activist.”
Starting college, Yousafzai says she had the “wrong perception of what the activist life should look like,” which she assumed meant she didn’t have access to “normal things,” like making friends and falling in love.
“Somehow you have to be stronger and more courageous at everything. You cannot have moments of breakdowns, moments of self doubt,” she says. She would tell herself in difficult times, “‘No, you’re supposed to be brave and strong and you’re not going to feel a different way.’”
Over the course of her time at Oxford, however, Yousafzai’s perceptions were shattered and reconstructed.
She tells TODAY.com, “I fell in love, I made friends, I had a mental health breakdown — all of those things happened all at once. I felt like I was a different person, and I’m grateful for it because it helped me grow.”
How Friendship, a Bong, Therapy and Love Changed Malala Yousafzai’s Life
When she first arrived at Oxford, Yousafzai says she “signed up for every club and society” to meet as many people as possible, despite it feeling “quite awkward and embarrassing” at the time. She adds, “I do not regret it.”
“I struggled to make friends, I struggled to have these normal moments of joy,” she continues. “That’s why I made a deliberate choice to actually socialize, to actually choose socializing over studying at college, because I wanted to make friends. I wanted to connect with my old self and somehow relive my childhood in my 20s.”
She assumed her fellow classmates would expect her to be “a very serious, boring person, that I only talk about activism,” Yousafzai says, adding, “I just also thought that people may not approach me, thinking that I have nothing fun to say to be part of their friend circle.”
Feeling the pressure to “live up to the expectation” she thought others already set for her, Yousafzai says she realized that people can “internalize expectation so much that we lose personal identity.”
She explains she had to “do a lot of unlearning” around who she thought she was.
Once Yousafzai found her people, the “unlearning” began.
“Friendship actually changed me as a person,” she says, noting that the people she surrounded herself with provided the “safest place” to truly express herself without judgement.
One night when her friends were smoking out of a bong, Yousafzai says she opted to try it for the first time, not expecting to be brought back seven years earlier, to October 2012.
“That brought back flashbacks of the Taliban attack,” she reveals. “Then, after that, I started getting panic attacks and anxiety, and it went on for months.”
When her friend suggested she see a therapist, Yousafzai says she was reluctant, explaining that conversations around mental health are “taboo” with “a lot of stigma attached to it.”
“I remember my first therapy session. I told the therapist all the problems that I had, and then said, ‘OK, give me the medication. Let’s just fix it,’” Yousafzai says, laughing. “She helped me understand that this is not how it works. It’s actually a process.”
Through therapy Yousafzai has been able to redefine “bravery and courage,” saying she now understands that “when you decide to still do what you believe in, even in these moments of difficulty, maybe that is true courage and bravery.”
Amid her therapy journey, Yousafzai had another curve ball thrown her way, emotionally speaking: She fell in love.
“I was excited, I was thrilled, but I was also scared and worried,” Yousafzai recalls of falling for her now husband, Asser Malik.
In Pakistani culture, a couple is not supposed to live together until they tie the knot, she explains. Because she wanted to live with Malik, Yousafzai says she suddenly had to consider the “heavy and overwhelming” decision around marriage.
“I had been so scared of marriage growing up because I saw girls married off when they were still in school, and it just meant that their future, their dreams, were taken away. But I also knew that marriage has meant more compromises for women from their career and many other things in their lives,” she says. “Somehow, just the concept of marriage as an institution just scared me.”
Along with her research, which included reading a myriad of books by “amazing feminist authors,” Yousafzai says specific conversations with Malik ultimately led to her agreeing to marry him — “and I do not regret it for a second.”
“I knew that he was the right person because he had so much respect for me. He made me feel comfortable with myself. Of course, we were in love with each other, but I started loving myself, and that was a big change,” Yousafzai says. “So when you are with the right person, life becomes more beautiful.”
Reflecting on 15-Year-Old Malala Yousafzai
It’s been 13 years since Yousafzai was shot by the Taliban at just 15. Now 28, she has a message for that teenage girl.
“My younger self was very strong and determined, and I want to tell her that I’m still determined, but I have grown beautifully so much in these years,” Yousafzai says. “I know that there have been moments of difficulty, but all of that has transformed me into the person I am today.”
“I am a young woman and I am really happy with where I am because I am working for the right to education for every girl, because I was also once shot for speaking out for girls, and I was banned from learning,” she continues.
“So I want to see that change for girls everywhere, that no girl should witness that. And I’m trying to do everything that I can in my capacity to make the world a better place for girls like you.”
“Finding My Way,” Yousafzai’s newest memoir, was released Oct. 21.
