If you love silly one-liners, you're in luck, because you've just landed on a collection of funny jokes so bad, they're good.
For example, how did people see in the dark during medieval times? They used knight lights. Or, why did the pony eat a cough drop? It was a little horse.
Sure, those cracks are pretty terrible and all, but that's the whole point of a dad joke – to make you groan and giggle at the same time.
To ensure you do both for the foreseeable future, read on for a roundup of funny jokes you're sure to love.
In the list below, you'll find an assortment of dumb puns, corny gags and hilarious knock-knock jokes, and all of them are just right for kids, adults, work, family gatherings or any other occasion that calls for a serious sense of humor.
Whether you're looking for an ice breaker or need a few one-liners to keep your crew entertained, you'll find an assortment of jokes to break out whenever the situation requires a little comic relief including this tried-and-true classic:
Why shouldn’t you trust jungle animals? They’re always lion. Or this: What’s the best way to make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.
Speaking of laughs, we're confident that's what you're about to do. So, read on and don't say we didn't warn you.
Best Funny Jokes
- Did you hear about the coin factory that closed? It doesn't make any cents.
- A man walks into a library and asks where the books on paranoia are. The librarian replies, “Look over your shoulder.”
- Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
- What kind of bagels do pilots eat? Plain.
- What did the duck say to the waiter after dinner? Just put it on my bill.
- What do you call bears without ears? B.
- What happened to the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had mittens.
- Why did the socks break up? They weren't a good match.
- What did the cop says to his belly button? “You're under a vest!”
- What's the best way to learn how to make ice cream? Go to sundae school.
- What did the nose say to the finger? “Stop picking on me!”
- Why did the photo go to jail? It was framed.
- What do you call a crocodile wearing a vest? An investi-gator.
- Why are elevator jokes so good? They're funny on many levels.
- Why was the lettuce embarrassed? It saw the salad dressing.
- Did you hear about the rowboat that sank? It was a total oar-deal.
- 'Why do dragons nap during the day? So they can fight knights.
- What's a cat's best subject in school? Hisss-tory.
- Why do nurses use red color crayons? So they can draw blood.
- Someone asked me if I got a haircut. I said, “No, I got them all cut.”
- Why didn't the chef season the chicken? He didn't have enough thyme.
- Did you hear about the girl who got fired from the calendar factory? She took a day off.
- Why don't physicists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
- What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
- When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
- I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger and larger. Then it hit me.
- What do computers eat for lunch? Micro-chips.
- What's the hottest part of any room? The corner, because it's always 90 degrees.
- How many dance instructors does it take to change a lightbulb? Five ... six ... seven ... eight!
- Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four it would be a sedan.
- Why do sweaters stick together? Because they're close-knit.
- Did you hear about the octopus that held up a convenience store? It was an armed-robbery.
- Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “Any idea how to drive this thing?”
- Why do ducks have tails? To hide their butt-quacks.
- Did you about the stolen dog collar? Police are looking for leads.
- I'm wasn't a fan of facial hair, but eventually it grew on me.
- Have you ever played quiet tennis? It's the same as regular tennis, but without the racket.
- What did the mummy say after getting detention? “This sphinx!”
- I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but then I turned myself around.
- Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
- Did you hear about the guy giving away dead batteries? They were free of charge.
- What do lawyers wear under their pants? Briefs.
- Did you hear about the equestrian that got laryngitis? Now she's a hoarse whisperer.
- Why did the invisible man quit his job? He couldn't see himself doing it.
- There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can do math and those who can't.
Funny Dad Jokes
- Why did the author get married? She found Mr. Write.
- Why don't skeletons skydive? They don't have the guts to do it.
- Where do cucumbers go on date night? The salad bar.
- Did you hear about the pine tree that got a timeout? It was being knotty.
- What do you say to a cow that gets in your way? “Moooo-ve!”
- I met a giant once. I didn't know what to say, so I just used big words.
- Did you hear about the dolphin romance? They really clicked.
- A horse walks into a diner. The host says, “Hey!” The horse says, “You read my mind!”
- How did people see in the dark during medieval times? They used knight lights.
- Why aren't there a lot of jokes about peaches? Because most of them are pit-iful.
- What's the best way to catch a squirrel? Act like a nut.
- Did you hear about math book that got a therapist? It had a lot of problems.
- What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.
- What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean beef.
- Why shouldn't you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
- Did you hear about the cat that aced the test? It got a purr-fect score.
- Why is the ocean so clean? It has mer-maids.
- Why did the king go to the dentist? He needed a crown.
- Did you hear about the archeologist who got fired? His career was in ruins.
- I'd tell you a construction joke, but I'm still working on it.
- Why don't lions eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
- Where do boats go when they're sick? To the dock-tor.
- Did you hear about the ghost that joined a soccer team? It wanted to be a ghoulie.
- Why did the potato leave the bar? All eyes were on him.
- What do you get when you cross a guitar, drums and a car tire? A rubber band.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants to the course? In case he got a hole in one.
- Why did the boy wear his coat to dinner? Because chili was on the menu.
- Did you hear about the baseball player who got arrested? He stole second base.
- Why aren't kids allowed to see pirate movies? They're all rated arrrrr.
- How much does it cost to hire a deer? A buck.
- How did police catch the thief who robbed an Apple store? There was an iWitness.
- Why did the coffee cup file a police report? It got mugged.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Thankfully, someone woke her up.
- What kind of scientists avoid the sun? Paleontologists.
- Why did the financial planner quit his job? He was losing interest.
- Did you hear about the guy who decided to hang mirrors for a living? It's something he could see himself doing.
- Why do frogs like playing baseball? They're good at catching fly balls.
- How did Noah sail his ark at night? Using floodlights.
- How do lumberjacks know how many trees they’ve cut down? They keep a log.
- Why are sports stadiums so chilly? Too many fans.
- Where do cows get their clothes? From cattle-logs.
- What kind of socks should you buy a bear? None. They prefer to go barefoot.
- How do honeybees get to school? On the buzz.
- Why did Darth Vader go to the dermatologist? He had Star Warts.
- Did you hear about the light that got arrested? It went to prism.
- Why did the beach get embarrassed? Because it noticed the sea weed.
- I'm obsessed with telling airport jokes. My doctor says it's a terminal problem.
Funny Jokes For Kids
- I was going to tell you a joke about sodium, but then I thought, “Na.”
- What's a pirate's favorite subject in school? Arrrr-t.
- Did you hear about the killer whale that learned to play the flute? He wanted to be in the orca-stra.
- What do you call a crocodile that's always causing trouble? An insta-gator.
- I think I'm addicted to hot sauce. Don't worry, it's only mild.
- What kind of shoes do breadsticks wear? Loafers.
- Why shouldn't you trust trees? They can be a little shady.
- Why didn't the skeleton go skydiving? He didn't have the guts.
- If you find out when fishing season begins, let minnow!
- What's the best way to make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.
- Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.
- Why did the man name his puppy “Timex”? He wanted a watchdog.
- Why did the pony eat a cough drop? It was a little horse.
- What do mermaids wear under their shirts? Algae-bras.
- What did the salmon say after hitting a wall? “Dam!”
- How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away his credit card.
- Did you hear about the gardener who was excited for spring? She wet her plants.
- What gift did the dentist get upon retiring? A little plaque.
- Why are barbers always on time? They know a lot of shortcuts.
- What do bananas wear around the house? Slippers.
- Why did the spoon quit his job? He was going stir-crazy.
- I told a bad chemistry joke once. It didn't get much of a reaction.
- What did the pirate say at his 80th birthday party? “Aye, Matey!”
- Why shouldn't you play hide-and-seek at a hospital? You'll always be found in the ICU.
- Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
- Why are elephants so wrinkled? No one knows how to iron them.
- How many skunks does it take to make a stink? Just a phew.
- What did one sick vampire say to the other? “Is that you coffin?”
- When is a car not a car? When it turns into a parking lot.
- Why don't insects get sick? They have anty-bodies.
- Did you hear about the guy who deposited his watch at the bank? He wanted to save time.
- What's a donut's favorite song? “Cruller Summer”
- Why do chickens have a lot of parties? They enjoy hen-tertaining.
- Why did the pigs move? They were living in a high-grime neighborhood.
- I just had the dentist pull out all my teeth. I'm never doing that again.
- Why don't seashells take baths? Because they wash up on the beach.
- Why shouldn't you trust jungle animals? They're always lion.
- What do fish use to buy groceries? Sand dollars.
- Did you hear about the robbery at the glue factory? It was a stickup.
- Why did the suspenders go to jail? They held up a pair of pants.
- Why don't mountains ever get cold? They have snowcaps.
Funny Knock-Knock Jokes
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Barry. Barry who? Barry nice to meet you.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Aida. Aida who? Aida big lunch and now I'm full.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Iona. Iona who? Iona car. Do you?
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Ash. Ash who?! Need a tissue?
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any more knock-knock jokes?
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Impatient duck. Impatient duck ... QUACK!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Barbie. Barbie who? Barbie-cue is my favorite.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub, bathtime is over.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Birds. Birds who? No, but owls do.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and let me in!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Alison. Alison who? Alison Wonderland.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Shirley. Shirley who? Shirley you must know who I am by now.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don't tell a lot of knock-knock jokes.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Jewel. Jewel who? Jewel know when you open the door.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Pooch. Pooch who? Pooch your coat on, it's chilly out.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Weed. Weed who? Weed make a cute couple. Let's go out!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Appeal. Appeal who? Appeal is what you find on a banana.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Catsup. Catsup who? Catsup in a tree, better get a ladder.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Genoa. Genoa who? Genoa good barber? I need a haircut.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Hank. Hank who? Oh, you're welcome!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little loan, I'm short on cash this month.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Abby. Abby who? Abby birthday to you!
